Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
