a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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