Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
