i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
