it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
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