Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
