obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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