We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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