the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
