There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
