I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
