Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
