You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
