That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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