I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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