Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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