just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
