She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
