The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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