OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
