I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
