I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
