Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
