Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I am available for nakedness
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
