You're earring is so big in my mouth
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
