I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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