please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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