Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
