remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
