OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
