I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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