he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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