EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Drunk walkin through police station. America
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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