he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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