This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
