Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
