Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
