That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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