she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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