You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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