Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
