so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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