Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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