if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
