i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
