I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
