Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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