you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
