She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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