I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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