you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
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