Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
